The Lightbox

I’m very excited to have a new theatre in the mix this year. And yet as I type that I am confronted by a new emotion – fear. As a native of the 416 I have had time to familiarize myself with the entrances, exits and most important on a five-movie day, the bathrooms of all of the other theatres that are part of TIFF.

Cumberland, I won’t miss you, your low seats, your swampy bathrooms or your (probably) urine soaked alley line up. You are the cause of many an aggravated case of festival knee and drinking time lost to bathroom lines.

I’ve thought quite a bit (nay too much) about the best approach to The Light(box). If you are heading to The Light from the north, the subway to St. Andrew is a no-brainer. The Yonge-University line is usually air conditioned, has newer material on the seats than the Bloor line and I find it a nice ride assuming everything is running well. There is always a risk of a track level incident resulting in a delay of anywhere from five minutes to much longer,  but that is a gamble you have to take when going underground.

If you are heading to The Light from the east or west you have to go King or Queen streetcar, or the ankle express. As a frequent rider of the Queen streetcar I can say that in the summer it has the potential to battle the vomit comet for overall smell and atmosphere approximating a hot sweaty death. Don’t wear white pants. Check the seat (and the floor under the seat) before you sit down. You are as likely to see an open can of Pabst Blue Ribbon at the back of the car on your way to a 9:00 AM movie as you are on your way to a 9:00 PM movie. However I have appreciated the character of this all-night route more than once on my way back from an ill-advised extra round at one of the many bars open until 4:00 AM. There aren’t really many people in a position to judge your stumbles on the Queen car after midnight.

The King car is a bit more of a hit and miss. They don’t run the extra-long accordion/articulated style car on King like they do on Queen, and size does make a difference. For a morning film you will be jammed in with people going to and from work and appointments as this is the main route to the financial district. It will always be jammed if you are heading to a movie at 9:00 AM and between 5-7:00 PM. Many people walk part way. The slowest part of the ride is naturally right in front of the The Light. You have many restaurants, theatres, Metro Hall and the Roy Thompson Hall and Metro Square within spitting distance. It will get messy, and sometimes getting off at Spadina or Peter coming from the west, or Simcoe coming from the east and walking may be faster.

Either way if you have a tight schedule between The Light and any other theatre besides Scotiabank you may have to hustle and think creatively.

Still very excited at the prospect of a brand new set of bathrooms in the mix.

Over the last few years I have heard the lament in every lineup at every point – the dropoff, the pickup, the rush-why is this not all online yet? Why must the love of film come with the theme park experience of waiting to ride the new roller coaster-sans funnel cake? As technology takes over every other aspect of our interactions with each other, and the management of our personal finances and expenditures, why is a trip to TIFF the waybackmachine of moviegoing?
I have heard, or overheard many theories on the hot sweaty sidewalks in Toronto – they don’t have the time or money to invest in the technology being the most popular. I think that one is a bit more difficult to swallow now since they managed to erect a building in the middle of downtown Toronto in a few short years – an online ticketing process should surely not be that onerous.

I believe that the excellent, creative and enthusiastic minds behind TIFF can accomplish anything they put their minds to – but I think they like the lines. They like us as a hot/sweaty/wet/shivering advertisement wrapped around street corners. They want us as a physical reminder to the city that the festival is coming-because it does seem as if every year there are those who forget. Anyone who has ever stood in line has had a stranger approach them and ask what the line is for – often to be met by incredulity and/or mockery after they hear the response that you are waiting to drop off a list of selections for a movie.

CURIOUS STRANGER
So this is a line for tickets?

TIFFGOER
This is where I drop off my selections

CURIOUS STRANGER
So can I get in this line if I want to see a movie?

TIFFGOER
Well you have to buy a package – they go on sale in June.

CURIOUS STRANGER
So you are picking up your ticket package?

TIFFGOER
No, I pay for the tickets, then two months later I pick the movies, then I drop off the selections.

CURIOUS STRANGER
So you aren’t getting your tickets today? When do you get the tickets? When can I buy tickets?

TIFFGOER
In a couple of days I can come back and pick up my selections, then make exchanges – then the next day you can come and buy tickets.

CURIOUS STRANGER
Why would you exchange your tickets after you had so long to figure out what you wanted?

TIFFGOER
I may not get everything I want – there is a draw to decide at random which box of selection envelopes is processed first. If I am at the end of the list I may not get my selections as some popular picks may be sold out.

CURIOUS STRANGER
So what happens when you pay for a movie, pick a movie, then they tell you that you can’t see the movie because it’s sold out?

TIFFGOER
I get a coupon to exchange for another movie at the same time – or I can make second choices for the same time. Either way I have to come back and line up again to pick up my tickets and coupons.

CURIOUS STRANGER
Will the line be this long?

TIFFGOER
Longer.

CURIOUS STRANGER
That’s what she said.

TIFFGOER
Excuse me?

CURIOUS STRANGER
Sorry – will the line move any faster?

TIFFGOER
Actually it will be much slower.

CURIOUS STRANGER
And why isn’t this whole thing on the internet now?

TIFFGOER
I don’t know.

CURIOUS STRANGER
What is up with that much shorter, faster moving lineup with the less sweaty and better-dressed people?

TIFFGOER
That is the donor line.

CURIOUS STRANGER
They gave organs to people so they don’t have to line up with the rest of you?

TIFFGOER
No, they give money – like at least a thousand bucks to the festival and they get to have their orders processed before everyone else and buy tickets before everyone else. The more money you give, the earlier your order is processed.

CURIOUS STRANGER
So if I give the festival lots of money I don’t have to wait in the super long lines.

TIFFGOER
Yes.

CURIOUS STRANGER
And if the festival were to get rid of the super long lines, by using the internet but kept the random draw and the processing order in place then there would only be a need for a way to do the exchanges? They could even let you print your tickets off the computer, couldn’t they?

TIFFGOER
In theory.

CURIOUS STRANGER
But if they got rid of the lines then how many people would give them a crap-ton of money to skip the line?

TIFFGOER
…

CURIOUS STRANGER
I think you’re getting screwed.

TIFFGOER
That’s what she said.

363 King Street West
August 24: 7am – 7pm

Programme book pickup