First World Problems

So the line was long and the site was crashy. Welcome to TIFF.

Good news – if not getting a hard ticket to a movie is the worst thing that happened to you today you got yourself what I like to call first world problems. Celebrate that.

Better news – you can still get a ticket that movie if you really really really want it.

1. If you are rich you can get a ticket from a scalper. Yes this is a little old school, and yes there are bound to be fraudsters murderers and perverts as you navigate through craigslist or twitter to get your obscenely marked up ticket, but people do it every year.

2. If you have a Visa Infinite card but are not rich enough to pay over $400 for a $40 ticket then you can try to buy your ticket through them. Go to https://visainfinite.ca/offers.html – there may be more seats available at some point before the festival starts.

3. If you are not rich and do not have a fancy high fee credit card you can wait. Like take the day off of your real life, be that work, parenting, whatever and camp the fuck out in line as long as it takes so you are among the first ten people in the rush line. How long you will have to wait varies from film to film, and you have to be logical and think that if a movie you want to see is at night or on a weekend even more people can wait for rush so you will have to go even earlier to be at the front of the line. I waited for Juno in the rush line for about 3 hours and I was still not near the front of the line. I got in, but if you want a popular screening you may need to wait at least that long if not much longer.

4. Be incredibly lucky. Sometimes they release tickets that you can buy online the same day. You need to wake up early and keep trying to order.  The challenge here is there is no guarantee that additional tickets will be released the morning of the screening and there is even less of a guarantee that the site will be operational at any point in the day.

If you are poor, or lazy or forgetful and not so ridiculously good looking that people just give you things because you ask then you are still screwed. Better luck next year.

Thirsty Travellers

@highlandertn posted a helpful matrix showing foot travel time between theatres for TIFF11.

As someone who is not getting any younger and needs a little pick me up between films I will share my short list of places to stop for a beer, between theatres. These are not places to see and be seen, but you can get served, get a seat and take a moment to reflect on your most recent film. Please add time to order, drink  and pay to recommended travel times.

AMC to Ryerson – The Imperial Pub at 54 Dundas Street East, just east of Victoria. Go upstairs, get a bottle of 50, play some foosball and bring your own hand sanitizer to the bathroom. It’s a bit sketchy but there is plenty of seating upstairs and occasionally hot popcorn.

Ryerson to Isabel Bader – 7 West on 7 Charles Street just west of Yonge. They are open 24 hours and you can get a bite before or after your midnight madness movie.

Anything at AGO – Village Idiot Pub at 127 Mc Caul Street. So many beers. Seating can get a bit tight, but the selection is worth the lack of personal space.

Isabel Bader to Scotiabank, Lightbox, Princess of Wales (POW) or Roy Thompson Hall (RTH) – The Charlotte Room at 19 Charlotte Street. Tiny streetlet between Spadina and Peter.  High quality pool tables, fantastic staff, and the best nachos you will ever have. You can get half beef, half chicken ALL delicious. They are closed on Sundays.

Lightbox (or POW or RTH) to Scotiabank – Town Crier Pub at 114 John Street. So much delicious beer. If you want something shandy-esque and light for daytime drinking try the Stiegl Radler – Grapefruit beer. For reals. We all miss Smokeless Joe’s, but this place has more comfortable and plentiful seating.

Honorable mention - South of Temperance - 20 Adelaide Street West. If you head south on Yonge from AMC and hang a right at Adelaide you can’t miss it. Yes, it’s full of bankers. Yes, the very competent wait staff wear tiny outfits forcing them to do a pseudo bunny dip for the low patio tables but you can get sun in during the day in the middle of the financial district. They have tasty beers on tap, a fruity white wine sangria, yummy brunch and delicious fish tacos. If you want to sit on the patio on a weekday  you need to reserve or get there by 11:30 AM, but it’s pretty fantastic. Allegedly they will be closed for part or all of a day/night early in the fest for the Alliance party, but the rest of the time they will be open for business. Sun-soaked, beer-flavoured business.

Stay thirsty my friends.

Box 20

So the advance order process begins for TIFF11 and they have drawn box 20. If you are in a “good” box – that would be 20 or close to 20 you can celebrate. Drink something strong, eat something fattening, make a bad decision with someone who is very attractive.

If you are in a bad box- 19 or thereabouts, all of the same rules apply. At this point it is out of your hands, and you still have  72 hours before you can even start to think about what you will do with your empty slots. You may get lucky. You may get nothing. The only thing you can control for the next few days is how you deal with the interminable wait until you find out how many of your first selections you may yet still get. Theatre capacity plays a large role in the outcome of the proceedings at this point so all is not lost. Wait until the day before pick up before you start  to panic and make other choices. If you go to the lineup early on advance order pickup day you could still have the opportunity to get a first choice from the box office or someone else with a conflict. Watch Legend. Or for the kids watch Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone. Unicorns can exist. Sometimes you can be in a crappy box number in the draw and still get exactly what you want. Or, like the year I had to switch a first choice coupon for Bella – you may get what you need.

TIFF 11 Box Office

This year the box office is in Metro Hall on the concourse (underground) level. It opens on August 23 at 7:00 AM for programme book and package pick up.  The great news about this is once again there will be some protection from the elements when it comes to a lining up to drop off and pick up. I’m a big fan of the subterranean box office locations – it’s nice to be able to get your programme book and bag and have a minute to catch your breath instead of being thrust out onto a busy street corner.

You can access the box office from the King St Metro Hall entrance close to John St and take the escalator down to the concourse. For people familiar with the PATH system you can also get there directly from St. Andrew Station without surfacing by following the path signs to Metro Hall. This location is mere minutes from Roy Thompson Hall, Princess of Wales Theatre and the Lightbox.

The Draft

People always ask me how I make my picks. Then they regret it because the process ends up taking so long to explain their eyes glaze over before I’m finished explaining.
So to keep it (somewhat) brief.
Directors – ones I liked before get on the maybe list for sure.

Actors – not just the talented and lovely like Ryan Gosling and Juno Temple but also frequent festival favourites. My list includes Mads Mikkelsen , Viggo Mortensen, Aaron Eckhart, and Kristen Scott Thomas.

Release Date – the Entertainment Weekly fall movie preview comes out around the same time my drop off coupons arrive in the mail. It lists the known release dates for many films between September and December and I occasionally drop an early pick if the movie is coming out very soon after the festival.

Distribution – if the film does not have a North American distributor listed in the Programme book it may or may not be released anywhere you can see it anytime soon. I tend to go for UK picks that may only end up airing on BBC but are actually awesome films, like The Trip, Mr. In-Between and The Last Hangman.

Programmer - year over year you will find that you may love films that were selected by the same programmer. If your sensibilities align with one or two it makes the elimination process easier. I tend to love the picks of Jane Schoettle and end up with at least 25% of her films in my final list.

And finally the schedule – when the actual times and dates come out inevitably I have many of my first picks in the same time slot. I have to go through all of the filter/narrowing options listed above to make my final selections. One must also consider the likelihood of waking up for a 9 AM film when building a schedule. Many bars are serving until 4 AM during TIFF – jus’ sayin’.  And even if you can wake up, you need to pick something that can keep you awake. Previous early morning picks include Easy Money, Dave Chappelle’s Block Party and No Country for Old Men. Gunshots or music are good for keeping you up in the morning.

We need to talk

The first announcements came out today about TIFF11, and I’m already excited. The first film to go on my short list is We Need to Talk about Kevin. If you don’t think you will be interested in yet another movie about a couple dealing with a challenging child you need to pick up  a copy of Lionel Shriver’s book, We Need To Talk About Kevin. I can’t wait to see what Tilda Swinton does with her performance as the mother in this film. In the book you see the development of her very unique child entirely from her point of view, so when things take a turn you have to wonder if she just an unreliable narrator – or if she is right in having concerns about the titular Kevin.

Festival Prep – The Workout

Based on my totally non-scientific research process which involves looking around me in lines and theatres I can conclude that the majority of the hardcore (20 or more films) TIFF attendees are not necessarily in peak physical condition.
This is ok. TIFF goers engage in an activity that involves sitting alone in the dark. As long as you don’t start texting like a total douche during the film for at least 96 minutes at a stretch no once can see your muffin top.
Attending more than 20 films can be physically grueling if you do not prepare. You need to be able to wait, move up and down stairs and sit.
This is more punishing on a body than it sounds.
You need to wait, most often standing, usually outdoors. Including the ticket pick up and drop off process you may spend as much time waiting in lines as you do watching films. Your body will get stiff, your back will get sore and your feet will swell. On hot days you will start to sweat. You will not smell your best. You can train for this. If you have a Wii Fit, dust off the balance board and do the simple tests – the stillness test will tell you if you heavily favour one side and you can attempt to balance your weight better while in line. If you do not have a Wii Fit go to the house of a friend who does – get on, use their Mii to do the simple test and ruin their Wii age. This isn’t worth the 5 minutes to create an avatar. Practice standing still.
You need to move up and down stairs. This will be challenge for a couple of reasons. One, you are most likely not in peak physical condition (see intro). Two, you will have to move up or down stairs immediately after standing still or sitting with limited time to stretch, groan, let your joints pop or adjust yourself. You can train for this. Occasionally take the stairs or walk (left) on an escalator in the months leading up to the festival.
You need to sit. If you are a hardcore TIFF goer you have already been training for this one all year. Just keep doing what you are doing.
Happy Festival.

How Big is Your Package?

Every year after the festival is over I am exhausted. All I want is to sit quietly with my legs elevated wearing some sort of beer hat device full of 50 while minions rub my sore festival knees and my dry hobbit feet.

Every year after the festival I also wish I had seen just one more movie. Last year The King’s Speech and Super were on my list of festival regrets, along with the three bar night that started with me leaving Blue Valentine early and missing the QandA so that I would have enough time to get to the bathroom and get a coffee before getting back to the Ryerson to see Kaboom. Araki can be entertaining, but one must always make room for more Gosling. Always. More. Gosling.

End tangent.

You will never see everything you want, but if you plan, you will get to see what you need to get you through until Christmas. Many high-profile ‘good quality’ festival movies will be released just before the end of December so if you miss out on a Black Swan or a Precious because they are Galas with limited public screenings it’s not the end of the world.

Unless you are taking part or all of the week off to dedicate to seeing movies anything more than 10 to 15 films will be pretty tough. Even with the extra Sunday it’s a lot – and weekend screenings are always more crowded and likely to run late due to timing and traffic issues that slow the programmers and talent down when it comes to intros. Whether you go with a programmer choice pack, choose your own adventure option or some combination of both you still need time for bodily functions and travel time between theatres. Options are limited in the evenings for the first few days because of the amount of tough-to-get premium screenings and high profile North American premieres.

For the semi-pro crowd who take a couple of days off and locals that have flexible work schedules (or absentee managers) you can try for 15 to 20, but the high end of that range will still require some creative scheduling, a lucky draw in the ticket lottery and an ability to enjoy a broad range of films.

If you are planning to dedicate the week (and your life and back and feet) to the festival then you can go for 20 or more up to the ultimate hardcore 50 film pass. I still have yet to meet anyone that is not paid in some way to see movies for their day job that sees over 45 films, but like the unicorn I must believe they exist. A pale and magical creature that needs neither daylight or sustenance and simply lives on the dust illuminated by the projectionist during a film.

Good luck, and as always be VERY patient with the TIFF site when trying to purchase.

TIFF 11 Anticipation

Just had programming meeting where films were deliberated and invited! #TIFF11

June 17, 2011 1:33 pm via EchofonReplyRetweetFavorite

@mmadnesstiff

MidnightMadness@TIFF

On Sale / Off Sale

On Sale
Majority of these will be weekday, daytime second screenings with limited buzz and low probability of talent appearing – but could still be an awesome film.

Off Sale
They aren’t selling tickets anymore because they sold a crap ton initially.

How do you get a ticket for a movie that is off sale?

• You are the director of the movie.
• You are above the title talent that appears in the movie.
• You are a Reitman – preferably Ivan or Jason because they are awesome. Ivan gave us Ghostbusters and Jason and Jason gave us Thank you for Smoking.
• You were the music guy or wardrobe person and the movie was directed by Jason Reitman he will get you ten tickets because he is awesome.
• You get Doc Brown and a flux capacitor and go donate a crap ton of money to the festival four months before the start of public screenings.
• You stalk the box office, the website (it will have moments of functionality throughout the next two weeks) and keep going back hoping for a miracle of being there or online at the exact moment they put another block of ten on sale because the music guy told Jason that he doesn’t need the extra tickets for his entire family anymore.
• You go rush.

How do I “go rush”? Is Geddy Lee involved?
Going rush is a bit of a misnomer. It actually involves standing very still for a considerable amount of time. You must go to the theatre on the same day of the showing well in advance of the start time and wait, usually for an hour at least for something with anyone remotely recognizable that already has some kind of buzz or release date. If the movie has a title that someone you know who has never gone to the festival has heard of, then up that to two or three hours. The good news is if you are one of the first people in the front of the rush line you will probably get a in, either when the ticket holders are let in or from someone passing by with an extra ticket.
The other news is if you go rush you will either get a crappy seat or an awesome one. If you go rush with your 15 friends you will not get to sit together even if you all want to sit in the very front row.  However occasionally they open a block of reserved seats just as they let the rush line in, so you may get very lucky. But be careful – if you see a great seat still available for a packed A-list screening odds are the person next to it smells a bit and someone moved just before the rush line was let in. Give the area a sniff first. 86 minutes can seem a lot longer when you have stranger funk enveloping your personal space.